Classroom Management

I recently started teaching at a new school. A new school has given me an entirely new set of challenges. Firstly, these kids are huggers. Rule #1 of teaching: don't touch the children. At least three times a day, a student will surprise me with a hug, which, between their 11-year-old awkwardness and my inability to touch them, looks like this:

I am Malfoy in this situation.

On the other end of the spectrum, a large portion of my day is dedicated to getting yelled at/ignored by prepubescents.  These are some typical classroom conversations:

Me: I love it when people are doing their work quietly without talking
- every student is talking, paying no attention to me whatsoever-
Me: Please stop talking
- every student is talking, paying no attention to me whatsoever-
Me: If you're talking, you're losing points
- every student is talking, paying no attention to me whatsoever-
Me: Alright, let's focus!
- every student is talking, paying no attention to me whatsoever-
Me: STOP TALKING. IF YOU WANT TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH, DON'T.
-five seconds of silence-
- every student is talking, paying no attention to me whatsoever-

-class is relatively quiet, but two students are facing each other and noises are coming from their direction-
Me: Johnny and Jane, please stop talking.
Johnny: I WASN'T TALKING!!!!!!
Me: sigh

My fifth period class is really the only one that makes me want to pull out my hair on the regular. Once, I had really had it.  They were all talking constantly, crawling under desks, arguing with me, and taking their shoes off (apparently this is a thing?). Needless to say, there was little work being done. I freaked out. I shouted. I lectured. I guilted. And, oh, I can guilt. I let them have it for a few minutes. Then I dismissed them for full effect.

I was pretty proud of myself. Maybe I had really gotten through to them this time. Then I realized that my zipper had been down the entire time.

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